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Chengru He I Would Vanish Into Its Stronger Existence Creative Memoir Chengru He I Would Vanish Into Its Stronger Existence Wet Cement PressI Would Vanish Into Its Stronger Existence Chengru He Wet Cement Press Asheville, Berkeley, RenoI Would Vanish Into Its Stronger Existence ©2024 by Chengru He ISBN 979-8-9883840-8-3 Library of Congress Control Number: 2024943383 All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from Chengru He and Wet Cement Press. First Run 081324 Cover Photo: Chengru He ©2019 An excerpt “Rubber Trees Will Grow Again” was published in Speculative Nonfic- tion : Issue #5 Hold. It is with deepest gratitude that the author would like to thank the following in- terviewees for their help with this project: Huiying Cao, Hefeng Chen, Xiaoying Cheng, Guoping Gu, Ashiang Jin, Huiguang Shen, Huqing Tan, Hongxing Wang, Wenhua Wang, Jingli Xu, Huidi Ye, Weili Wu and Zhengfang Yuan. The images used in this book were either taken by the author or provided by these interviewees. Wet Cement Press 1908 Yolo Ave Berkeley, CA 94707 www.wetcementpress.comfor my mother Xiaoying ChengI would vanish into its stronger existence. For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, that we are still able to bear, and we revere it so, because it calmly disdains to destroy us. —Rainier Maria Rilke, The First Duino Elegy , (trans. A.S. Kline)9 : you wouldn’t take the train this time if it wasn’t for me. it’s hot here in Shanghai, it’s supposed to be hotter there. I’ve heard about the moisture, the unbearable muggy days in summer, mosquitoes and snakes. the online booking system needs confirmation. two train tickets from Shanghai to Kunming, are you sure? are you sure? I’ve checked with you many times. you dyed your hair black before I came home. the succulent from last summer grows taller. it doesn’t need much water. you placed it by the window. the morning sunlight caresses its green skin through the white translucent curtains. you kept saying on the phone, it’s very hot there. after I came back from Dixie, you ordered me to rest, eat more fruit, turn on the AC, kept me away from chores. in your eyes I’m always seventeen, the age you were sent down to Yunnan—the South of Clouds. did someone worry about you back then, take care of you when you needed a hand? we both think we are stronger than we are.Next >